WHAT IS LOVE

I always hear people talk about love and how it's the greatest thing in the world, but if that's true, why can't I see it? Why can't I feel it? Where is this "Love" that people are talking about? What is it about this "Love" that everyone wants it, needs it? What is love? Growing up, I never actually had a good life. Sure, it wasn't the worst, but it wasn't good either. My mother was a prostitute, and had seven kids, and was an abuser of alcohol and drugs and was unfit to be a mother. My father, well, I never knew him. All of my siblings, including myself, were put into foster care. In 2007, 4/7 of us got adopted. We lived in French Camp, California, when we got adopted. My sister was eleven, I was five, and my brothers were four and two. We had a new mother and father. We had the chance at a regular childhood, but we didn't. There was a mom, and a dad. A grandma and a grandpa. Aunts, and uncles, and cousins galore. We went to school, and made tons of friends. We were told that we were loved, but the sad part was that I believed them. We all did. My mother was like an angel to me. She was there when I needed her. She was my hero. No one could tell me otherwise. If someone started talking bad about her, I would defend her because she was my momma, and I was going to protect my momma no matter what. I put all my love and faith in her, and she threw it away. She told me she loved me, and that's what I thought love was. Someone telling you that they love you. Words. She was abusive towards my sister, for four years.The exact time frame that we were adopted for. Dad went to jail, and she didn't. She wasn't strong enough to know that what she was doing was wrong, that she shouldn't be doing what she did. But she continued anyways. We were put back into the foster system in 2011, where we are today. She would come and see us, but when it was getting close to when our foster mom was taking guardianship of three out of the four of us, meaning my brothers and I, she stopped coming. I remember going out to the playground, and seeing Momma. We weren't supposed to see her, but I saw her leave. I saw her walk away,and never turn back. I felt her break my heart, shatter it into a million pieces, when they told me she gave up, and she was never coming back. She took a piece of my shattered heart and holds it to this day. So that I know nothing of what could happen if someone truly loved me. So that I don't know how to love.
These passed nine years, this home has taught me things about love. I will never receive it, and it only happens with people and families. Sure, I live in the family, but I'm an outsider, I'm different. I'm.... the "Red-headed Step-child" except, I'm blonde, obviously. I was taught that love only comes to lucky people, and I'm not one of those. That's what I was taught, but it's not what I believe.
What is love? Love, to me, is magic. More powerful than any magical spell, but easier. Everyone is capable of love, in my eyes. But love is something that people think they know so much about, but really are so clueless about. Love makes you feel whole, and beautiful, and, well, loved. All these years, that's all I've wanted. I never received much of it, and so I thought I was never meant to have it. You know the saying, "Good Things Come to Those Who Wait"? Well, I waited. Eighteen long years. For love to come find me. Like I was in some sort of fairy tale. The damsel in distress, the princess at the top of the tower, guarded by a misunderstood dragon, just following it's master's commands. I'm not helpless. I can fight my own way to freedom. I don't need someone to take care of me, because I realized something. No one needs to fight for me, when I'm already fighting for myself.
I'm not saying that loving someone is not on my bucket list, it is...it's a work in progress. You see, I've tried being with people.Guy after guy, I just never...clicked. I don't swing that way with girls, but hear me out. The people I tried being with, I've known them for years, and that's why we never clicked. I find it easier to talk to people I don't know, so there's more to talk about. More things to find out, and love, or hate. But new people, mean new beginnings. And a new year, means a new me. And that new me, needs to come clean.
I thought my chance with love, was gone. But it was just waiting until it could grab my hand, and hold onto it so tight. There's a difference between Falling in Love, In Love, and Love. Falling in love, means it's vibrant, it's ripe, it's growing. In love, means, love with the exception of a new path along the way. Love, means forever. Forever and Always, always and forever. I love someone that I never thought could love me back. He loved me from the moment he layed his eyes on me. It took me a little while to admit that I loved him back, but it's always been...love. Maybe that's why I never understood anything before. Statistics show that the average woman will find her soulmate at age 25, while the average man will find his at age 28. I'm eighteen, he's eighteen. We found each other. What does that say about us?
To answer the first paragraph, "I always hear people talk about love and how it's the greatest thing in the world, but if that's true, why can't I see it? Why can't I feel it? Where is this "Love" that people are talking about? What is it about this "Love" that everyone wants it, needs it? What is love?" maybe this is the answer. Love, is complicated. But love, is brilliant. It's beautiful. You can't see it plainly, but if you look into the eyes of those you love, truly love, you'll see it. You can't feel love, if you don't know what it really is. Why do we want love? I can't speak for everyone, only myself. Why do I want love? Because it's like the feeling you get when you're at the top of a mountain. Looking down on the world. The world that you became someone in. You look up at the clear blue sky, and breathe in the new air. And then you can't stop breathing in that air, because you want it, you need that air. It's the most important thing in your life. So you want to breathe it all in, before you can't anymore. Because without it, there's nothing to live for. What is love? Love is...anything you can think of that makes you feel like you're on the mountain, breathing in that air.